Wednesday Night Women’s League (Played at 7:30 Thursday)
Buckeye Bullets 7 vs Y-Town 0 
The Buckeye Bullets came out firing on all cylinders against Y-Town, blasting their way to a blowout 7-0 victory. Y-Town did their best to slow down the onslaught, but Buckeye’s speed and skill made it look more like they were trying to outrun a very aggressive Zamboni. For a while, Y-Town’s goalie seemed like she was auditioning for the “Brave but Helpless” role in a dramatic sports documentary.
At the end of the night, the Buckeye Bullets were undefeated, unbothered, and reportedly booking a team meal for the following week since they had barely broken a sweat.
Thursday Night Men’s League
Blacked 1 vs Veracruz 10 
Blacked took the field with a fighting spirit and… left with the equivalent of a soccer pie in the face. Veracruz unleashed a hurricane of goals, stunning Blacked into submission. The game was close at 1-1 for all of five minutes before Veracruz unleashed the beast, scoring nine unanswered goals in what can only be described as a live-action sports blooper reel from Blacked.
While Veracruz celebrated each goal like they’d just won the World Cup, Blacked seemed to be more focused on creating some unforgettable memories—and possible future viral videos on the art of defensive mishaps.
The Dudes 1 vs Jaguares FC 13 
In what fans are calling “The David vs. Goliath match, minus the happy ending,” The Dudes were swiftly overwhelmed by the powerhouse Jaguares FC, losing 13-1. The Dudes managed one lonely goal, probably more of a self-esteem booster than anything else, but the rest of the game was an exercise in damage control.
Jaguares FC played like they had a score to settle with the scoreboard itself, filling it up faster than The Dudes could blink. “We’re not really sure what happened,” a Dude said afterward, “but we definitely blacked out somewhere around goal number six.”
The Knickers 7 vs Rahas Paws 12 
In the most competitive match of the night, The Knickers and Rahas Paws took part in what can only be described as a goal fest and possibly the result of a gentleman’s agreement to avoid defense altogether. Rahas Paws squeaked out a win, 12-7, but it wasn’t for lack of effort from The Knickers.
This game had it all: goals, laughs, questionable yellow-card calls, and at least one player who seemed to be testing out moves from an interpretive dance class. At the end of the night, the final score had everyone exhausted, and a fan in the stands reported, “I lost count after goal 15, but I was still cheering. Not sure for whom, though.”
Conclusion
Another week at Akron Indoor Soccer proves that while some teams play to win, others play to build character. Whether it’s The Dudes perfecting their humble pie recipe, or Buckeye Bullets treating games like a relaxed practice session, one thing is clear: The real winner here is anyone lucky enough to witness these midweek mayhem matchups.