The action heats up this Sunday at Akron Indoor Soccer, where Week 3 promises to be a carnival of goals, grit, and groans from players realizing they forgot to stretch. With undefeated teams squaring off, underdogs looking for redemption, and plenty of hilarious matchups, there’s no shortage of drama brewing. Grab your cleats, brace your sides for laughter, and let’s dive into the chaos.
Game of the Week: Team Dauberman (2-0) vs Chill FC (2-0) – 3:30 PM
In a battle of unbeaten titans, Team Dauberman takes on Chill FC in what promises to be a clash of styles. Cody Copley’s Dauberman squad is coming off a ruthless 15-goal rampage, but Aaron Fong and Chill FC have been as icy and efficient as their name suggests, dropping 15 goals themselves last week.
Expect this one to be a high-scoring thriller, with Copley barking out orders from the sideline like a drill sergeant and Fong coolly dismantling defenses like he’s playing chess on a soccer field. Can Chill FC stay, well, chill under pressure? Or will Dauberman unleash another goal-scoring storm?
Prediction: 8-7 thriller with at least one accidental slide tackle doubling as a TikTok-worthy fail.
Jaguars (2-0) vs Old and Fancy (1-0) – 4:30 PM
The Jaguars, led by the ever-charismatic Guillermo Alvarez, have been roaring through the competition. After a 12-2 mauling of [REDACTED], they’re looking to keep the momentum going against Old and Fancy. Ryan Inama’s Old and Fancy squad might not have much youth on their side, but they’ve got class, experience, and (hopefully) an assortment of knee braces.
The big question here: will the Jaguars run circles around their opponents, or will Old and Fancy slow the game down to their tempo, winning the possession battle (and perhaps a few naps in the process)?
Prediction: Jaguars 10, Old and Fancy 4. Bonus points if someone on Old and Fancy brings orange slices.
A Really Bad Team (2-0) vs [REDACTED] (0-2) – 5:30 PM
Despite their name, A Really Bad Team has been shockingly competent, boasting a 2-0 record after edging out Wasted Talent last week. Lauren Lutikoff has her team firing on all cylinders (or at least three of them), and they’re hungry to keep the streak alive.
Meanwhile, Alyssa Tarter’s [REDACTED] squad is still searching for their first win—and possibly their identity. After suffering two blowout losses, they’ll need more than redacted strategies to stop A Really Bad Team.
Prediction: 6-2 in favor of A Really Bad Team. Expect [REDACTED] to show some fight but leave with more questions than answers.
Pitch Pirates (0-2) vs Wasted Talent (0-2) – 6:30 PM
In what’s been dubbed “The Desperation Derby,” Pitch Pirates and Wasted Talent will battle to avoid the dreaded 0-3 start. Kattiejean Tibbs’ Pirates have shown flashes of brilliance but seem to lack a map to consistent success. On the other hand, Wasted Talent has lived up to their name in every frustrating sense, with Martin Untch narrowly missing a chance to turn their season around last week.
This matchup could go either way—or nowhere at all if both teams continue their trend of defensive miscues and questionable passing. Either way, it’s bound to be entertaining.
Prediction: 5-5 draw, with at least two players slipping on imaginary banana peels.
Arse ‘N All (0-2) vs Cleats & Cleavage (1-0) – 7:30 PM
Jamie Dean and her squad of Cleats & Cleavage fashionistas are fresh off a Week 2 thrashing of Nameless, and they’re ready to strut their stuff again. Meanwhile, Arse ‘N All, led by Mellyssa Adams, has struggled to find their footing—and their pride—after two lopsided losses.
This one could be over quickly if Arse ‘N All can’t tighten up their defense. If they’re not careful, they might find themselves not just outplayed but also outstyled by a Cleats & Cleavage team that treats scoring as performance art.
Prediction: Cleats & Cleavage 9, Arse ‘N All 2. Expect some post-game fashion critiques on top of the scoreboard humiliation.
Zubri’s (2-0) vs Un-Zippers (0-2) – 8:30 PM
Zubri’s have been unstoppable so far, thanks to Radovan Pupovac’s leadership and some absolutely clinical finishing. This week, they face the hapless Un-Zippers, who have yet to figure out how to keep their metaphorical pants up on defense.
Bobby Giebel’s Un-Zippers will need a miracle—or at least a functional defensive line—to slow down Zubri’s. If last week was any indication, this one could get ugly fast.
Prediction: Zubri’s 12, Un-Zippers 1. Someone please hand Un-Zippers a tactical belt.
Serb Patrol (1-1) vs Nameless (1-1) – 9:30 PM
Wrapping up the night is a matchup of mid-tier teams trying to establish themselves. Serb Patrol, led by Ognjen Krco, bounced back in spectacular fashion last week, dismantling Arse ‘N All. Meanwhile, Nameless took a humbling loss to Cleats & Cleavage and will be looking for redemption.
This game could be a grind-it-out affair, with both teams evenly matched in their unpredictability. Will Serb Patrol’s aggressive style overwhelm Nameless, or can Seth Vaill’s squad channel their inner chaos into a surprise win?
Prediction: Serb Patrol 7, Nameless 5. Expect at least one player to score while lying on the ground.
Final Thoughts
Week 3 promises to deliver everything we love about Sunday Coed League: absurdly high scores, dramatic flops, and just the right mix of skill and silliness. Whether you’re an undefeated contender or still searching for your first win, one thing’s for sure—Akron Indoor Soccer always delivers a show. See you on the pitch!